I am aching. M and I are separated for at least another few days and he’s said I’m not allowed touching myself until he and I are back together. I’m not sure whether I will tell him that I didn’t listen and on the first night 5 days ago I masturbated.
Ok. I will tell him.
I’ve got butterflies in my stomach: is it because I didn’t follow his direction, or because I’m hot to see him again? I don’t know. After reading your posts, I realize that I could be punished for this. We only barely begun with spankings. But maybe I’ll let him know I’ve been naughty.
My face is getting warm with a blush, and I can’t help but smile, and I can feel my breathing getting faster. My butterflies are circling lower into my pelvis and I can feel my insides pulsing and contracting as I try not to make myself feel so good.
On one of our first real dates, M looked at me and made a small gesture with his chin that I should come closer to him, and he glanced down at the seat beside him. He was having a cigarette on a bench and I was slightly nervously standing around. I fully identify as a feminist. I am the head person in my family. I speak up for others who are being suppressed. I challenge stereotypes and raise my children to question societal ‘norms.’ And yet – when M indicated I should sit beside him, my insides became jello and I complied almost immediately. I teased him about being controlling, since he often says how chill he is. I think I began to realize then that he and I might have a more interesting relationship than I would have previously guessed.