So close until he comes home. The real challenge is we don’t even have a way to connect because he’s in the bush (ha-ha!) and there isn’t any wifi or mobile coverage in there.
Every once in a while I feel as though I can sense him thinking about me. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking. So, now I wait. He comes home tomorrow but I imagine I’ll have to wait at least another day until he invites me in. I think I could ask. oh man, I can feel the butterflies again, imagining me asking to come in.
It helps, I think, to write it out. Shakes out some of the energy. A better way to get this energy out would be my hands in my pants, but I promised I’d wait – and I’ve already fucked up once. I cannot do it again. Even though I’m practically dripping with the want of seeing him. Of having his mouth on mine. Of feeling his hands on my body. I want to drop my naked body to the floor at his feet and have my nipples rub against the roughness of his jeans. Have his hands grab my hair at the back of my head and drag me back up to standing. M would tilt my face to his and then tease me by denying me a proper kiss while his tongue circles my lips and his other hand just barely touches my hair between my legs, while my wet insides soak my inner thighs.
Shit. Ok, so writing it out *doesn’t* help, as it turns out.
Even before I started reading the posts in here and the bit of ‘research’ I was doing online, I was describing a dom/sub relationship to him. I’m sure M realized, but didn’t label me – which I appreciated. I might have balked at the idea if he forced it on me. But He would talk about restraints – and I thought that meant my hands tied at the bedposts. Or we would wrestle and I would want to know that he could overpower me. The idea of some pain is very exciting to me, and some humiliation.
This is completely uncharted territory though.
It feels that we’re creating something of a relationship where there is an aspect of bdsm, because it seems to be a thread between us, but not the whole rope, so to speak. I really like him as a person, and I like his soft, vulnerable side. But in bed, I don’t want to be aware of that softness until after we’ve both come.
Having a whole relationship of mind, body, spirit, and emotion is completely uncharted territory for me too. He’s showing me so much of what an open and accepting relationship looks like, as well as an alternative bedroom lifestyle – I have to go slowly because I find myself getting overwhelmed. M is deeply patient. Very honest. Very focused on me. I sometimes feel I don’t deserve this attention and that makes me need to go slowly as well. I always feel so lucky that he was interested in me. I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy and I hope that we can bring this to each other.