I have a sense that any new items brought into play should be selected and purchased by M. There are many toys and items that I’d like to try, but it feels slightly …off… if I bring them to us. I like seeing the ones M chooses. And it’s sexy as hell to think he’s in the shops looking over items and thinking about me. Like, super sexy.
He brought in some vibrating items, and while I’ve used some on my own in the past, never have I with a partner. It was exciting and confusing and sexy. There was a lot going on.
It was also the first time I’ve had anything in my ass.
There is a lot to sift through: the sensations, my feelings, my reactions, my presuppositions, and taboos.
Without overthinking things, I like that my ass belongs, and has only ever belonged, to M. There’s a sexiness about that which I love. There’s all the trust that went along with it for me, and the sense that I am his submissive, not just a submissive to anyone. I enjoy the sense of being his.
Having him inside me felt … full. And I loved it – seriously loved it – when he smacked my ass cheeks and pulled my hair while he was inside me. I was at his mercy.
The crazy vibrator inside me, filling me up everywhere, was out of this world. I thought I was going to explode and I could barely stand it.
It didn’t hurt as much as I feared it would, and there weren’t any adverse reactions or outcomes. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
There’s a toy that I’ve seen – it slips inside the woman and the partner can control the sensations *no matter the distance* because it’s connected through an app. I get excited in my body imagining how that would play out between M and I. How sexy and anticipatory to have that toy inside me, and know that M will turn it on (and me) at any point. Awesome. It’s thrilling to know that he’s aware of me even through a distance, and that we can play together during the in-between times.
It’s amazing to me that we hold all these feelings, experiences, sensations, and emotions in our hands together.
As M and I play together, I’m seeing so many aspects and sides of sex and relationships that I didn’t realize possible. Coming from a fairly Victorian-type mindset about sex, M has awakened me and continues to show me that sex can be fun and just playful; layered with control and dominance; a release and a freeing experience; laced with trust; and emotional and loving.
Given that I’ve only had sex within a relationship, and I’ve never had a one night stand, I would have thought I’ve experienced all there is in an emotional-sexual relationship. Yet we’re exploring a world which I’ve never met, nor was maybe even aware of its’ existence.