A *long* time ago, M told me he was “horrifically dirty” and then, as now, I’m still not entirely sure what that means. It could be I’m so not dirty that I can’t imagine what he might be referring to – OR – it could be that I am also dirty so I’m not stunned by anything he does.
He brought a chain leash for our Weekend of Play. He looped it around my neck and I could feel the cool metal and the links rubbing against my neck, and occasionally chilling my breasts and stomach when he wasn’t pulling it taut. Does it make me so dirty that I also wanted it to be pulled between my legs so I could feel the coolness on my asshole and pussy?
After tugging off my (new, black lacy!) panties, he stuffed them into my mouth while he was spanking me in that session I was so looking forward to. Does it make me super dirty that I enjoyed it? He had made me so wet during the evening that I could taste and smell myself lingering in the lace. And even now, remembering it, I get a flush of pleasure.
Up until now, I would have thought him putting *anything* into my ass was the epitome of dirty … now I’m not sure. He unexpectedly fucked me there while pulling my hair – I think that makes me dirty.
There are bruises all over my body – catching sight of them while I go about my ‘usual’ daily activities sends a thrill of excitement knowing that only he knows me like this. There’s a little bit of naughtiness and dirtiness tucked in there that I treasure.
I sent him pictures of the panties I’m wearing today. I was fresh out of the shower when I sent that. It’s super sexy to me that he knows what I’m wearing under my clothes when no one else knows. And then that reminds me of him trying to gag me with another pair on the weekend and then I get hot and excited.
There have been a few times that he’s told me to suck on his toes. From my side, it’s kinda dirty, but in a different way maybe. He totally doesn’t have stinky feet, but they do smell like feet. So it’s a little embarrassing and gross. It’s way different from when he tells me to suck on his cock – I like feeling his hardness and length push against the back of my throat. And – making me a little dirty – I like it when he hasn’t had a shower that day so he’s all musky smelling. In fact, he almost smells like chocolate. Funny, I know.
I’ve never told him that. He already knows that I like him a little dirty, and I suspect in some ways I’m dirtier than he is. Hmm… maybe I should tell him.
something shifted in me this weekend. whether it was due to our activities and chats, or my reflection and meditation afterwards, i’m not sure. but this week i haven’t been as overthinking-y. i’ve felt chill and content and happy and secure and trusting. all the layers that i sift through, and all my emotions and feelings seem to have bonded in a happy way.
it feels like this exploration of my body somehow correlates with my exploration of my spirit and heart. it’s an opening and an accepting of me as a whole being. it’s magical.