About me? Ok. Let’s have at ‘er.
I would say things that were slightly dark or painful or fringe-y have always turned me on. I thought I was dirty or evil or corrupt. I have had only a bare few partners with whom I’ve had actual intercourse – and maybe two hands worth of men where we have mutually hand or mouth sexed each other. Still. I get it, not a lot. And it has all been very vanilla. And almost all have been fairly dissatisfying – I know a huge part of it was because I wasn’t open enough about what I wanted, see above.
Recently I met a man who describes himself as very. very. dirty. and I find him very. very. sexy. He began to open my head and heart in a way I wasn’t expecting – nor in a way I particularly wanted. I was sure I was going to remain alone and I had settled into that comfortable space. M whirled into my world and is shaking me up.
He tenaciously pursued me for months. And finally caught my eye as more than a friend … I’m getting butterflies just thinking about him. He opened up the conversation to sex preferences and fantasies in a direct and non-judgemental way and made me feel safe to tell him about my ideas of what I *think* I might like. M is keen to try anything with me – and it’s so perfect because I know I want to be controlled and guided and taught and forced, and he’s been controlling for over 20 years.
This blog will be about what happens next. I don’t know what it will be because I’m learning as I go. I’m glad you’re along though – please feel free to share your thoughts and comments and questions. Learning through others’ experiences is sexy as hell – I’d love to hear yours.